Finding my way back to Tiny's heart

Written By: Deanna Marie Battista

Oh Tiny… It’s been such a long and wondrous journey finding my footing in losing your heart. To then grow into the fracture that eventually became my own. It took many years, many sleepless nights and more than a hundred tears… But I did it. I finally found myself not just around a shadow of light, but God led me to where the angels not only sleep but dance on her too. That’s where I found you. Within the moon. That’s where I found the way back to me. Growing into the bruises that were left on your little shoulders to carry. It’s something that even until this day circles around the tears of my pen and healed pain. I’m thankful to the Lord for the magnifying lessons that were learned. The little butterfly you always were. I found a way to reflect wings once again. The little lamb of innocence you always displayed, no matter how many tried to take it away. I found the proper mirror to look into to see the purity I truly never lost. Stuck behind the worry, scar tissue and my deepest fears. The mirror I looked into to see you again was God’s eyes looking back within mine. The little principessa Papa always called you. I found my way back towards the princess carriage, not any longer stuck in the mud. No more broken diamonds glisten, they shine with the starlight of tomorrow and even the pain of yesterday you were more than forced to face. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you. But I have the best news to tell you. The Great Lion was. He always has been. He not only called you in the thick of golden hued tears and a blue moon that stopped the winds from carrying on the storm of your sorrow. By his breath he made it so we could both face the onslaught of arrows in the storms of fighting tomorrow. The past, present and future selves I’ve been. Changing into the way my scar tissue would reflect. It burns the brightest it ever has now. The light of Christ we all follow. The tiger that can learn once more to claw again and stand up to her deafening emotions to not allow them to make us hollow. No shadows or darkness will ever touch you now. The angels in heaven called upon your name. Echoing God’s voice and love to the little girl he’d never let the world tame. I’m here Tiny. I’m right here with the best most heartfelt secret to say. It wasn’t just the Great Lion waiting and calling upon your name… It was this version of me too. The one that Jesus designed within only his hand on time. It’s a gift. To go back in and remember what you tried your hardest to forget. It wasn’t easy. It was the heartbreak of all kinds. The ways the fairytales of you and I became the one Sweetpea will inherit from God’s mind. It’s all connected. Finding home in the Lord. Finding home in healing. Finding home in my gift as a writer. Finding home in the girl I see now, I see you in the back of my mind, but in the forefront of heavens skyline. I see you in the starlight you helped me save. I see you in the wings Sweetpea flies with today. I see you in the wink the moon sends to me at night. I’m right here, holding my blue pen at the round circle table we still never left. Time moved forward. So did the places and structures around us both. We are the same girl we’ve always been. The princess in the tower we both created. No more princess in a bubble, it’s time to step into your light and be set free. No more shackled to the last little parts of fear. God called upon me to find you. So I could find the last little part of my heart to unlock to fly free for this world. For the next fairytale we will take part in. Not the one from you coming home from the hospital sick. Not from the bliss of the in-between. Still the fairytale of falling in love with Jesus, yes. That love story will last forever. But finding home back within yourself. You did it Tiny. I did! Papa Bear paved the way Jesus created for us to follow. Those same light blue bricks that set the road with moonlight that glows from our soul. The little girl I lost and missed, I won’t ever have to again. I found the little girl I was and still am. The puzzle pieces heaven melded back together, now it’s just about letting written words fly in the sky, like the dreams you’d cry yourself to sleep in. Wishes you’d think and whisper without knowing they were prayers you’d say. No more good versus evil give and take. You are God’s child. You always were. The young woman you helped me become, I thank you for. Tiny we are everything and then some collided with stardust and northern lights in our bones.

Finding home in bliss once again. I made it Tiny. I can hold you in my heart and in my books now. Being Arthritis Girl you fought through. When the cherubs finally said slow and steady child; you no longer have to. Not in ways that will hurt, just in ways to make you stop running from the shadows of your faith. You can hurt and bleed. The greater good and purpose of what’s next to come and set free. Sometimes it’s to decree.

     I’m ready Tiny. Bj is right here beside me. 

Take a deep breath, you don’t have to hold onto your chest. Hold my hand now instead, as we step near the pathway where the gates of heaven calls upon our name. The Lord has called and I answered for us both. Take those butterfly and fairy wings, and wear them brightly. Take that princess tiara and dress and wear it proudly. Wear your innocence like you wear your smile. Finally, reflect those tiger striped scars with humility & pride, take a step and let the little tiger out inside. 

       For the wish upon the star, to LAF forever more.

                                        I made it Tiny, you did. 

 The once upon a time we dreamed of all those years ago, it’s going to happen! 

Lolli and Friends (presents) Arthritis Girl, my debut children’s book comes out on Sunday, September 13th! 

This book means so much to me. Being the little girl this letter from heaven is penned to. Tiny is little me struggling through the chronic illness of J.R.A with her family and very special friends helping her along the way. This window of my whole heart is finally here. I can’t wait to share it with all of you! For you, and the kingdom of heaven.

Yours Truly, 

          (Tiny all grown up)  Deanna Marie 

      Always Writing With Light