Angel Sugar

Written By: Deanna Marie Battista

The unseen progress beyond the dream inside my mind has taken me by the storm of yet another iridescent God gifted sky and healed kaleidoscope to look into. From the variation of healed writer that was formed within me the last five years; it has completely transformed the girl I was otherwise leading away from the journey towards the path God had carved just for me. The girl that God turned into a writer truly, through the magnifying glass that burned light within me and led me to the meaning of not just reading the gospel but living it. To keep steady within yourself and your faith, to be a good catholic, to only glorify the holiness that comes from God, to let it steep and spread through your open heart and tender softness as a woman led by Christ. I learned to airbrush the ideas of faith and sprinkle them like sugar throughout my whole life. Looking back through the breakthroughs that pieces of me needed to find and lose for me to wholly come to peace. Even through the yearning of my truest dream, this cross that has formed through me being healed now has been different. Suffering through pain was always a cross I knew well. But through the silence of patience and through the cycles of "what if" and "maybe", it's been hard to ignore the truth around. The preserving God has further called on me to hold through the girl that no longer has a bleeding heart. Though, this same girl I am that fears she will yet again retain a wounded one. God knows my heart however, he is the one who put it back together. Being steady within his love and mercy is more than enough. If I am known and remembered as the Catholic girl who loved her Father in heaven and nothing else, than that will be more than enough. Through the trials, the mending, and the endless sphere of waiting that has begun to mock me still- I heard the window of heaven open for angels to send me down the same kisses that were used to stitch me back to being whole. Through the unease of new adventures and finding more extension of my bubble, I quiver at the idea of what could not be- I shouldn't, this I know. He knows me, and I know God, though I fear the wound and agony of this cross beginning just up ahead of my way- daunts from the enemy. Oh how my soul mourns and grieves for the promise of tomorrow and lace of white. I pray the dark side of the moon doesn't come over this healed daughter of his- but if it does, so be it. I trust in God. I've been at many parts and progress of healed and unhealed before; this will hurt worst than all the other storms put together, but I fully surrender to what he asks of me. Of what he shields me from, and what he is stirring within my spirit to wait for. I won't wear this wound sadly, I will wear it like I wear my greatest scar. I'll cast light back through it for people to see Jesus' face through his own smile that shines through my soul. With the iridescent satin cloth I washed my eyes with, from the light that brewed on a church altar’s candle lit flame, this is to alight the ability to pour parts of your soul into everything you do. To stamp everything you touch with what you believe in. The Knowing. The Loving. The Painstaking Yearning. The Living- within versus without faith, nothing is more unforgiving or will lead you to forgiving even yourself. To find the key that had collected dust to my already unlocked broken heart. This heart that was encased within a window display and realm of everything I feared the most and yet just hadn’t conquered, I pray won't re-materialize through the ripple of need all of me desires. Through the blood of the lamb that I was washed with, it’s a gift to learn the tools to overcome, and then allow God to whisper out how to use them; to unveil discernment. All the while you are adorned in a veil of devotion of your faith. This knowledge that will then become a companion through the dark, the shadowed parts of your heart will reflect light again. The bridge you'll become for yourself through the transformation of healing and waiting. The memoria of bringing light to revive and illuminate God’s created child, always away from the lens and pitchforks of the devil. Floating through the gust of wind angels breathe that feels both timeless and deeply present with the unlocked level of understanding to never doubt in God. The quiet reminders, the small moments in time, and the overwhelming presence of your Father will never become vacant. God will create the plan for you within his design, all we have to do is listen. He is the author of tomorrow. The little piece of artwork that can fit within the palm of your hand,(your dreams) is what Jesus will help you sculpt along the way back to yourself and finally to him. The part of your healed heart that you can always hold close. Not just so it beats with inside your chest for your sake, but so you can take out the light that glows and whispers life to those around that don't know they are walking around blind of heaven. So you can become the arrow pointing in the direction for others to follow Christ. The same arrow that the devil had once shot you with to ensure you’d never believe in him once, let alone again. Don’t listen to doubt, that is not something the Father teaches. Allowing your potential to pass you by and letting it become something fleeting like it wasn’t yours that God gifted you to begin with; this is a foolish way to spend the life that you weren’t meant to just reside in, but use to change it. I’ve sought the Lord, and he heard me, he changed me. Now it’s time itself that has been granted, for this to happen to you. The person reading this letter…

Hold onto the gentle shift of a satin glow from the night’s sky to even when the blue skies emerge within the awakening of a new day. A new promise of what your dreams and God's promises together can look like. The inscription deep within your heart that only God knows you put there. The grounded-ness that you're not supposed to chip away from yourself, but to stoke in because it's for you. To stoke the fire that God will ultimately ignite within you. Protect and tend to that ember, don't snuff it out. Time will freeze like a photograph, and you will hear God hearing your prayers. No different than when he will wipe away your tears. Intercession of faith through the prayer of believing truly and wholeheartedly what the Father can do. Stars can’t shine without darkness, the scars that you survive, they aren’t just for the pain of suffering; they are for the greater architecture of your life, and what to do with it. Embrace the unexpected surprise faith will shake within you. Even if it completely throws the life as you know it in disarray- allow God to pick up the pieces to build your prayers true, through his will not yours. Allow God to move you towards where, what, or who the spirit is calling for you to seek. Embrace you're light from God. Embrace the sorrow of your heart he will overtime heal and repurpose. Embrace the love that the King of all kings has for you. Seek and be seen through the pocket watch of notes heaven sings, the string of light that is faster than the alarm of a demon's plea. The clock shatters as time passes on by only if we let it. Find your way towards the Lion of Judah just as I did. To no longer be blind, deaf, and mute to salvation; and becoming a millimeter bigger than a mustard seed of hope. To sprinkle angel sugar from the recess of my mind onto the pages and paper that God authored; for me too. Until the next letter falls down, find your inner strength and then offer the broken parts of it to Christ. For he will reawaken you, your purpose, your soundness and help you find your voice. The everything you are not meant to hide behind or shy away from. Feel the prick of the conscious he wants you too. Don't question or think away what it could mean. Pray brave because we all carry the living God inside our chests. Now let the Lion roar through the reflection of your soul in this life's potential, like he always intended for it to! 

    Yours Truly, 

                   Deanna Marie 

                                    Always Writing with Light